We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
