Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
