Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
