it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
