i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
