Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
