I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
