Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
