I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
