I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
