I skipped work to stalk him.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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