is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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