You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
