the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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