this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
