my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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