Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it glows. i had to have it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
