Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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