My room smells like vodka and shame
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
