I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
How's work?
Spinning.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
