Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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