The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
