i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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