cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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