The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
