I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
