It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
