he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
