i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
