i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
