There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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