fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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