Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
