who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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