Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
