It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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