woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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