I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
