Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
