Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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