I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize