I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize