I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wish I only lived at night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
