i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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