woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
