If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
