ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
