We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
