So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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