If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize