So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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