Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
