he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
