grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
