The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize