There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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