He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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