he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
