Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
