I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
