Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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